Let's get the big one out of the way: I've been an Atheist for a number of years now, possibly even most of my life by this point. I got dragged along to church for a great while even after I'd made my feelings clear, but my eventual refusal to put up with that was a glorious day indeed. Suddenly, the weekend seemed twice as long. I don't believe in any kind of all-knowing creator or spiritual anything. Far as I'm concerned, our presence is merely the result of a great chain of astronomically unlikely coincidences followed by good, old-fashioned evolution. Surprisingly, I'm not actually above believing in ghosts and such, simply because nobody really knows what happens at the end of it all; who's to say some inter-dimensional limbo isn't waiting for us? Makes as much sense as any other theory I've heard.

I also think that saying one is an Atheist and then maintaining the belief that anything can have some kind of inherent value is rather self-contradictory. That'd be like saying you don't eat chocolate because it's full of fat and then tucking into a doughnut. I personally don't see the logic in that, so I'm of the belief that everything is meaningless apart from the purely subjective feelings an individual has for it. Far as I can figure out, this is apparently some form of nihilism.

A common misconception I've run into when trying to explain this to people is the assumption that I don't care about anything or anyone. This is only true to a point; the moment I have reason to care about something or someone, I do. By this logic, I'd hate for a tragedy to befall my friends or treasured possessions but am not the least bit bothered that people I'll never have any reason to be fond of are suffering down the street and all around the world. If I had to sacrifice any given number of these people to protect something I cared about, then I would, presuming there would be no undesirable consequences to myself or my circle of comrades. It's really quite simple to get your head around, I feel.

I have been pondering something of a paradox lately, though. I think good and evil can still exist in a nihilistic vision of the world, but in slightly different forms. I'll try to explain. As mentioned, I would have no qualms about killing so long as there were no foreseeable negative repercussions. However, I would still say that the act of killing is evil, even though I'm not against it in the slightest.

My reasoning is that any action performed with the knowing intention of causing another discomfort is arguably evil, just as any action performed with the knowing intention of helping another is arguably good. This is still a relatively fresh topic of debate in my head, so it's not entirely clear, but I think there's a difference between calling something evil and actually feeling morally offended by that same something. Indeed, I consider myself an evil person, given my willingness to sacrifice anything for entirely selfish reasons. Does this bother me? Honestly, I can't say it does.

Things are a lot simpler when you have this sort of outlook on life, I find. You spend much less time worrying and a lot more time doing whatever makes you happy. Once you establish that the happiness of you and those you care about comes before all else, the frequency with which you must battle your conscience decreases rapidly. It's not for everyone, obviously, and I think something about humans means that many of us simply feel some need for religious or spiritual belief. I hypothesise it might be a fear of death that motivates a lot of people, but I'm quite content with the status quo at the moment and have little desire to rock the boat. If you've got a conflicting belief system, then I obviously think you're wrong, but that doesn't mean I care to complain about it. There's a difference there, and understanding it is the key to understanding my mental process.

Obviously, I'd be pretty arrogant to assume that I'll maintain a constant belief system for the rest of my life. Fact is, there's no telling what life-changing event could happen tomorrow, next week or ten years from now, so I cannot factually say that I won't change my mind on such matters. However, in the current situation, I don't see myself altering my beliefs to any large degree, so you're stuck with me as I am. Frankly, I think you should be glad of that fact.

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Taken from my blog, Schizoid Embolism. Feel free to investigate it if you enjoyed reading this.

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